yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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