omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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