we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
