uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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