Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
