a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
