i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
