I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
