I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
