Screwed.edu
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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