Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
