why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
