have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
