lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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