i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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