I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
