No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize