dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
