Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
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he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
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The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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