we have pet lesbian snakes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
