So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
