Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
