whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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