your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize