why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
