He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
