Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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