I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
