Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
