Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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