bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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