she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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