it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
