ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
even my farts smell like vagina
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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