Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
