You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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