I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
