I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
