I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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