Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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