Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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