I wannas sexs uuuuu
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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