its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
