My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
