it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Still dying that you shit outside
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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