Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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