return my video game
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
