Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
