get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
