Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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