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that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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