I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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