i need an iv and a liver transplant
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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