I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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