i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
