At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
