please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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