Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
