Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
