I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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