i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
