my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
