I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
